/ck/ I need your help. I was taking a shit, and realised that this was no ordinary shit. It was hard as a brick and literally almost as big to boot. I must've been sitting there for 20 minutes to try and help it move along, but nothing. I was scared I was going to tear my asshole up good. So I've sucked it up, (so to epeak) and am scrambling for a natural laxative. There is no fiber meds or anything of the sort in my medicine cabinet, and I cant find any prunes. I need something that will make my shit literally fly out my ass.
tl;dr Cant shit. Reccomend natural laxitives.
Pic semi-related.
"natural laxitives". 129 posts and 18 image replies omitted. Archived from /ck/.
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Anonymous 06/03/09(Wed)11:50 No.1004139
>speak. My bad.
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Anonymous 06/03/09(Wed)11:51 No.1004141
Just force it out. A torn asshole is a small price to pay for the ultimate feeling of a flapping hole that just dropped 5 pounds of crap out of it.
In my freezer, I have about 19 pounds of blackberries I picked a couple of months ago. I’ve been toying with the idea of making several different things with them including various alcohols. It just so happens I have enough honey to make a gallon of mead so I decided to make Blackberry Mead. I think I used about 2 pounds of blackberries for this. I used the Blackberry Mead recipe from Jack Keller’s website. Although, I modified it slightly to suit my needs.
Blackberry Mead Recipe (first blackberry one on the list): http://winemaking.jackkeller.net/reques28.asp
I modified it by using only regular store bought honey, doubling the amount of berries, using different yeast than specified, treating the pre-yeast must with Potassium Metabisulphite ( a.k.a., Campden), and adding a single stick of cinnamon.
Pics are of yeast activation. I always use bread yeast (Fleischman’s Bread Yeast) since it’s never failed me and hasn’t adversely affected the flavour of any of my brews.
1: Honey mixed with very warm water. 2: Yeast added. 3: Five minutes later. 4 & 5: Fifteen minutes later.
I thought perhaps these images would help some of you having problems starting the yeast.
"Blackberry Mead (also activating yeast)". 209 posts and 55 image replies omitted. Archived from /ck/.
Here are photos of mixing the yeast into the must. The blackberries are inside the sanitized cloth pouch (sewed from a piece of bedsheet.) Then I place plastic wrap over the top and tape the lid down tight. I’ll allow this to ferment for 2 full days. On the 3rd day, I will take the pouch out and strain and mash all the juice I can out of the berries inside it. All the must will go into a 1 gallon glass jug with a blow off tube-style airlock. There is will ferment until it starts to clear.
Oh hay /ck/ I wrote out some recipes for you. Some cheap, tasty, college budget recipes. I suggest you add to this thread too.
Note: You can sautee some chopped garlic and onion and add to these recipes, but these recipes are pretty good on their own and will keep you alive and healthier than cup of noodle, not to mention they are extremely cheap.
Mushroom Broccoli/Chicken with Rice; cost: approx 12-15$
4 heads of broccoli 8-10 chicken thighs, skinless 2 cans of cream of mushroom soup
Cut up chicken breasts into bite sized pieces and line the bottom of a roasting pan or ceramic baking dish with a lid. Empty one can of soup onto the chicken and stir well. Cut the broccoli into similar sized pieces, and top. Empty the second can over top of it, and stir well. For optional tastiness, add shredded cheddar and/or Parmesan. Cook for 45min-1hour at 450degrees or until the broccoli looks 'wilted' and is softened/chicken is cooked. Serve with rice. This makes enough for 4 college students for supper, as well as one or two tupperware containers of leftovers for lunch if you're lucky.
"easy recipies". 142 posts and 28 image replies omitted. Archived from /ck/.
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Anonymous 11/26/08(Wed)21:38 No.695894
Paprika Chicken cost: approx. 2-5$ per serving
1 chicken breast to; 2 ? regular sized onions (the ones you buy in 10lb bags) 2-5 tablespoons of Sweet Paprika
Chop onion into large chunks and fry lightly in oil until clear and soft. Chop the chicken into bitesized pieces. Move the onion to the edges of the pan, and place the chicken in the middle. Stir until chicken is completely cooked (this is important else you get strange textured chicken). Add paprika to taste, and fill the pan with enough water to not cover. Simmer for 1-4 hours or until the paprika becomes pasty. Add water as needed. Serve with dumplings and sourcream(see dumpling recipe). Serves 1 person ? multiply the recipe by the amount of people you intend to serve. Note: If you “boil” the mixture the onions will turn to mush and the chicken will become tough, dry, and flaky. This is best done in a crock pot on low heat for all day. I prefer my chicken with a strong paprika flavour, but you can easily use very little.
European Dumplings cost: approx. >1$ 1 egg to; approx. 1 cup milk Flour teaspoon of salt and sugar.
Before starting, get a deep pot and fill it with water and boil it with a pinch of salt in the water. Beat the egg, salt, sugar and milk together until it has a light yellow consistency. Add the flour until it turns into a paste that sticks to your fingers like glue (If it turns out watery, keep adding flour until it reminds you of bread dough). Clean off your hands and take two spoons, scooping out the mixture with one while using the other to scrape it off into the water. The dumplings will float to the top of the water when done; remove and keep as dry as possible. Serve with either very light recipes, or with heavy ones for winter. Note: These are extremely heavy (they are basically boiled dough). I made 1 ? this recipe and it fed 4 people, as well as 2 lunches with the Paprika chicken.
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Anonymous 11/26/08(Wed)21:38 No.695896
Stuffed Green Peppers cost: approx 5-10$
4 Green/Yellow/Red Peppers 1-2lbs ground beef (any other meat will work fine as well) 1 egg Splash of worchester sauce 1 tablespoon Black Pepper Liberal amount of Paprika
Cut the pepper as you would a pumpkin used for carving. Hollow out the seeds and clean, making sure to remove stickers on the skin. Place it in a roasting pan or baking dish with a lid, and fill with an inch or two of water. Put enough paprika in to turn the water red. Mix the egg, ground meat, worchester sauce and pepper, as well as any other spices. It should stay together like packed meatballs. Fill the peppers with the meat (if you have any left over, roll into meatballs and place in the pot with the peppers). Put the caps back on the peppers, put the lid on, and cook at 450F for approx. 1 hour. Makes enough for 4 people. Optional: Remove the peppers, and pour the remaining paprika/meat juice liquid into a gravy dish, and mix sour cream into it until it becomes orange. Serve over rice as a sauce with the peppers. Note: This is probably one of the cheapest meals you can make that's extremely filling. If you don't have enough ground meat, you can easily put leftover rice into the mixture. Cost depends also on whether you use cheaper green peppers, or more expensive and sweeter red/yellow.
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Anonymous 11/26/08(Wed)21:40 No.695900
Salmon with StirFry Vegetables cost: approx 5-15$
1 Salmon steak 1 Bulk Carrot 1 Green/Red/Yellow Pepper 2 Stalks of Celery Half a head of Broccoli Any other vegetable
Take a piece of tinfoil twice as tall/wide as the salmon, and grease with butter. Place the salmon in it and wrap it up. Place in the oven at 450degrees until it flakes and is light pink all the way through (approx 20 minutes). Test for doneness by flaking it with a fork; if it easily breaks apart and is a light pink colour it's done. For the vegetables, wash it all, inspect for pesky grocery store stickers, and thinly slice. Cook in a tablespoon of oil on medium heat until the peppers are soft. Add seasonings of choice, such as; vegetable premixed spices, thai curry sauce, or just a dollop of butter. Serve the vegetables alongside the Salmon. Serves 1-2 people. Note: Buy salmon while it's on sale (20$ for 2 long steaks that can be divided into at least 6 decent sized servings) and freeze, thawing it by taking it out of the freezer and putting it in the fridge the night before you plan to cook it. Talipia also works very well, and is much cheaper.
I hope you brought forty of your friends, because that is a lot of food.
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Anonymous 11/07/08(Fri)20:43 No.669141 File :1226108637507.jpg-(29 KB, 492x277, mother of god.jpg)
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Anonymous 11/07/08(Fri)20:46 No.669146
My god...
Its beautiful.
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Anonymous 11/07/08(Fri)20:54 No.669153
if i ate that with my friends i would surely be the asshole that grabs both of them churros before the waitress even gets that shit set down on the table. dip those in some ice cream for maximum effect.
File :1223479413317.jpg-(31 KB, 361x370, mousebread.jpg) Good to the last bite...storiesAnonymous 10/08/08(Wed)11:23 No.629448
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A few years ago, I went to meet the parents of this chick I was dating. We were having dinner at their house. Turns out we were having meatloaf. Oh yeah, meatloaf...oh joy. Anyways, it's some seriously good meatload and I'm surprised.
Until I take the last bite and something makes a loud crunch. It was so loud that everyone looked at me. I was tore between chewing whatever it was up and swallowing and spitting it out on my plate instantly. So I took a napkin and spit the offending crunchy part into my napkin.
IT WAS A MOUSE HEAD ;_;
Meal ruined.
Anyone have similar experiences?
"food horror stories". 210 posts and 14 image replies omitted. Archived from /ck/.
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Anonymous 10/08/08(Wed)11:32 No.629461
Back in the early 90's maybe it was the 80's I don't remember. But, there was a book called something like Kentucky Fried Rat or Southern Fried Rat about all sorts of urban legends and some true stories similar to the OP story. The ones that stuck in my mind was the one with the chicken nugget that turned out to be a mouse and the mouse that had been bottled into the glass soda bottle.
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Anonymous 10/08/08(Wed)11:37 No.629471
When my mother first went for dinner at my dad's parents' place, his dad killed a chicken for some chicken-related pasta dish. He used the whole thing, and dad got a beak in his pasta.
ladies and gents of /ck/, I'm in the need of some good recipes. They need to be incredibly nutritious, filling and easy to prepare. I'm embarking to the far off lands of Birmingham university in a few weeks and I'm going self catering, cooking utensils are no problem, I can buy whatever i need in the next few weeks.
In return I shall give you some GOD FOOD that me and my sister discovered the other night. Ensure a good supply of miniature tub muffins or donuts. (Tubs of like 20 odd from the supermarket for like £2. Now I KNOW Morrisons do them and probably Tescos as well) 1. Make frying pan pancakes with self raising flour. (To make 6 or so you need 4 heaped tablespoons of flour to one egg and half a pint of milk) 2. Once you have a pancake, place a muffin on said pancake 3. douse in Golden Syrup 4. Wrap and eat.
It's so delicious and you'll feel like you've eaten half of the world's grain stores after two cakes. It's awesome.
Pic slightly related, it's a clue as to what i'll be doing it Uni.
<3 /ck/
"easy and nutricious food". 216 posts and 77 image replies omitted. Archived from /ck/.
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Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)21:54 No.574805
bump from a soon to be starving student.
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Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)21:56 No.574806
second.
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Anonymous 08/30/08(Sat)22:00 No.574810
Quasi-Tunisian tuna salad:
Start with canned tuna, in oil if you can cause it's better than way. Chop bell peppers, red onions, add tuna. Add capers. Add a little sweet pickle relish if you want. Add hot sauce or other spice - harissa is ideal. Add tomatoes if they are in season. Add olive oil, and little bit of mayonnaise, and then a ton of finely chopped parsley.
Saag paneer - or switch out the cheese for some potatoes (i add onions too) for saag aloo:
So, I just cut open this loaf of bread my grandparents sent me thinking it was sweetbread or something. Inside I found fucking hardboiled eggs, with the shells intact. I've heard of eggs in bread before, but with the shell? Is this normal?
"Eggs in bread". 27 posts and 4 image replies omitted. Archived from /ck/.
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Anonymous 08/26/08(Tue)21:57 No.568369
Is bats?
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Anonymous 08/26/08(Tue)22:02 No.568374
Holy shit I'm gonna start hiding stuff in my bread when I give it to people. any good suggestions?
Anonymous 07/25/09(Sat)02:47 No.1090872
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