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Years ago in a Chicago bar, Bill Murray was walking past me through the crowd and when I made eye contact with him he came rushing over and starting tickling me. He whispered in my ear "no one will ever believe you".Then he walked off.

I heard the story about someone seeing Bill through a window or something and looking all surprised because its Bill Murray, and he just looks back and says "I know".

A few weeks ago I was walking in Time Square and I was in line to get a hot dog from one of those guys on the side of the street, ya know? Well, anyways, Bill Murray is standing right on the side of me. He just winked at me real slyly and said "No one's going to believe you." and took my hot dog and walked off.

I was sad that night, and quite depressed because of my wife recently passing away. I walked in to my room and there was Bill Murray bent over naked. As I anally pleased him he shouted "No one is ever going to believe you" and then Candlejack joined us whi

One night in October of '05 I saw what I thought was Bill Murray raiding my garbage cans out side my house. I approached him, and in the dark he whispered quietly, "no one will ever believe you", and went back to digging.

is bill murrey now a meme?

one night, about a month ago, i was walking home. i took a shortcut through a sidestreet, and i came across a man in a dark trench, it wasnt very bright so i couldnt make out the face. he bellowed "you shalt not pass!" and ran head first at me, headbutting me to the ground. i sat there, completely confused, winded, and suddenly all the lights in the street turned off. i felt something penetrating my arsehole, and once he had come the lights turned on again. there was Bill Murray, his creased face leaning in close. Bill whispered, “No one is ever going to believe you,” and then just walked away.

One night, I was masturbating and Bill Murray caught me in the act. He said he would tell everyone, but I told him "No one is ever going to believe you." and then I went back to it.

one night, i was just sitting there, being a tree, and bill walks by and decides to piss right in my face. so i sit there and take it, fuck, its bill murray. and some guy walks upto him and shouts, "bill murray!??!?!" like a fucking retard, and bill goes, "no one is ever going to believe you" and walks away. then the douche licks the urine off my trunk and sits there crying for like an hour.

Last month my girlfriend broke up with me, and I told her she a complete and total bitch and that I'm also going to tell everybody that she was really Bill Murray in disguise. She kicked me in the nads then took off her face to reveal Bill Murrays face. (S)he told me "no one is ever going to believe you" and then took half my stuff and left.

>>119487337

On the playground, where I spent most of my days, I was chillin' out maxin', relaxin' all cool. When Bill Murray came and he was up to no good, said "No one will ever believe you."
And my mom got scared,
And said You’re movin’ with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air.

>>119488995

>>119489185

>>119488860
>>119488911
>>119489050


Shit was SO fail.

about three years ago i was having dinner at a resuraunt in new york when i see a man several tables down from me who resembles bill murray. i approach him, as an old fan, and try to get his attention. he turns around and i realise, its not bill murray at all. i apologise and return to my seat.

A couple weeks ago i was just sitting outside having a smoke and minding my own business when a pizza man came up to me. He asked if i had ordered a pizza. I told him no i wasnt the guy, then the delivery man took off his cap and i was suprised as shit to see that it was Bill Murray. As i gazed in amazement he took a cheap shot and punch me in the kidney. He took my wallet, left me the pizza and whispered "No one is ever going to believe you." Then he kicked dirt in my eyes and disappeared. The worst of all was the fact that the pizza was canadian bacon and hate canadian bacon.

Back 'round '03 or so, I found evidence of alien life in Death Valley. Bill Murray comes out of fucking nowhere and says "no one will ever going to believe you."

My freshman year of college, I was hanging out with some friends playing Halo 2 in my dorm. Sure enough, I hear a strange meowing sound coming from outside my window. As I open the curtains and look out, there was Bill Murray, clinging to a branch about 10 feet in the air, meowing at a kitten stuck a little higher up the tree. He turned around and looked at me, and mouthed 'No one will ever believe you' before climbing out of sight.

Back 'round '03 or so, I found evidence of alien life in Death Valley. Bill Murray comes out of fucking nowhere and says "no one will ever believe you." >>119489581

>>119488415
i believed him

THE FIRST ONE IS THE ONLY GOOD ONE

>>119489640

i lol'd

>>119490203
NO U

>>119489529

The best.

BILL MURRAY IS NOW A MEME

I remember when I attended Bill Murray's annual chili cookoff and gangbang in Malibu. When I arrived, Bill was chatting with a short but well dressed dark-haired man in a black leather trenchcoat and black patent leather hip-boots. Bill introduced him to me as Dr Josef Goebbels. I recognized the name, and Bill quickly reminded me that Dr Goebbels had been the propaganda minister in the Third Reich. Goebbels sighed deeply, as though he still couldn't believe he had lost. "What can I say, buddy," quipped Bill Murray, "Three Reichs and you're out!" Dr Goebbels then proceeded to inform me that Bill Murray had been present at the Wannsee Conference, and it was at Bill Murray's good-humored urging that 6 million Jews were ultimately sent to their deaths in extinction camps. I could scarcely believe this....and I said, "Bill, what will happen if I told people that YOU were personally responsible for the Holocaust." Bill Murray grinned, gave a quick sieg-heil salute to Dr Goebbels, and whispered: "NO-ONE WILL BELEIVE YOU."

>>119490575
HURRR DURRR

do some back exercises & suck your own dick so we dont have to entertain your dumb mind

I'm having dinner with Bill Murray back in '01 during the filming of Osmosis Jones, right? So down the stairs comes his brothers Brian Doyle-Murray, Joel Murray, and John Murray, all wearing plaid dresses. Bill stops eating his taco, turns to me and says "No one will ever believe you."

About 3 years ago i was watching a movie called Ghost Busters and it starred a man named Bill Murray. About halfway through the movie Bill turned toward the camera and looked straight at me. He stuck his head through the tv screen and whispered to me "No one is ever going to believe you." Then he went back into the television and continued the movie.

this all doesnt seem like something bill would do.
are you sure you're not lying to me?

I am Bill Murray, no one is going to believe me.

A few days ago, I was at a Target buying some notebook paper. I was next in line when Bill Murray cut in front of me. When I approached him with this fact, he looked at me and said 'No one will ever believe you' and went back to putting his items up.

I see this guy walking through Union Square Park. I put my hands over his eyes for a fun lil' game of peekaboo, which I used to do with Chevy backstage on SNL. This guy turns around and I tell him, "No one is ever going to believe you." And then I was in The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou.

This thread needs to be archived

In 1978 when Bill Murray was on hiatus from Saturday Night Live, I traveled with him to Cambodia, where we were warmly greeted by the military dictator of the Khmer Rouge, Pol Pot. As we relaxed over frosty cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon, Pol Pot informed me that Bill Murray had personally carried out the murder of approximately 1.5 million civilians in the "Killing Fields" of the Kampuchean genocide. Apparently Bill would line up the women and children first, and just let rip with a Kalashnikov in each hand. Pol Pot proudly noted that Bill Murray had "cleansed" approximately ten percent of the Cambodian population for crimes against the revolutionary mission of the Khmer Rouge. "Bill," I said, "What would happen if the United Nations heard about this?" Bill clinked his can of PBR against Pol Pot's, and the two of them cackled with laughter, then Bill Murray wiped a tear from his eye, sighed, and said: "No-one will ever believe you."

I walk into a talent agency with my family and Bill Murray is the director. I offer to perform a skit for him. He asks what it's called, and I tell him, "THE ARISTOCRATS!".

shit is so cash

>>119491702
i agree.. somewhat. needs moar + better content

I believe all of these stories

>>119491493
Hey, Bill. :) <3

- Scarlett

p.s. Nobody is going to believe this.

posting in epic thread

(post deleted by 4chanarchive)

Once I wished for the power to tell the future from Bill Murray, but he said it came with a curse: "Nobody is going to believe you."

I can still recall the time in the early 1980s when Bill Murray invited me to fly on his private jet to the Philippines, where he was meeting with his personal friend, the Filipino dictator Ferdinand Marcos, and his wife Imelda. Armed guards drove us from the airstrip to the presidential palace, where we sat down to a delicious dinner catered by Jolibee. President Marcos informed me that his secret police had been personally trained by Bill Murray in the art of torturing and interrogating dissidents. "Bill's speciality is electrodes on the jet-i-nulls," said Imelda Marcos. "Do you mean genitals?" I asked. Bill Murray roared with laughter. I asked what would happen if it were revealed that these crimes against humanity (which would later lead to a bloodless coup in which Corazon Aquino removed the Marcoses from power) had been revealed to be perpetrated by the star of "Meatballs". Bill slyly goosed Imelda Marcos, blew her a kiss, and then reached under the table to grab a machete, which he placed on the table, landing it with a significant thud. There was no humor in Bill's eyes as he stared at me and said, in a blood-curdling monotone, "No-one will ever believe you."

I was in the Spotted Pig a few months ago. Bil Murray came in, sat at the table next to us. During dessert proceeded to swop plates with me and started eating my cake. I was pissed, and demanded he apologize. He looked at me and said "no one will ever believe you" and went back to eating.

Bill Murray said in Ghostbusters "We're ready to believe you!". Of course, that was back in 1984.

>>119492655

well I fucked that one up

I want to believe.

>>119488860
lol hahaha

one dya i was fcuking my girlfriend but the phone rang. I anserd and bill murrays boice came over loud and clear and yeld "I WAS PHONE, But no one will ever believe you"

So I'm playing the role of Dr. Peter Venkman and doing a damn good job at it, right? Reitman wants me to do another take with Dan. So I gearing up for it, then out of nowhere comes an older guy who looks just like me....he says, "No one is ever going to believe me."

Years ago I was windsurfing in tahiti. The sun was just starting to set, so I made my way back to the beach. When I was walking in the surf a man in a wetsuit burst out of the wet sand with a knife, and cut my sail up while screaming. The suited villain removed his mask, and it was Bill Murray. He leaned in close to me at a very awkwardly slow pace, and whispered softly in my ear "No one is ever going to believe you." Then he dug another whole in the sand and covered himself up.

>>119488296
it was

One night in the middle of a pretty average student flat party Bill Murray just walked right in, said nothing to anyone, went to the kitchen, did the dishes and walked out. As he exited he approached me and whispered 'no one will ever believe you' and exited the flat.

In early 1997, shortly after Bill Murray's film "Space Jam" underperformed at the box office, Bill Murray invited me to join him on a quick overseas visit to Serbia, where we were warmly greeted by Bill Murray's close personal friend, Serbian warlord Slobodan Milošević. Bill explained to me how his friend Slobo had sought to expand his power, by inciting religious and ethnic hatred in the cause of Greater Serbia; by demonizing and dehumanizing people, especially the Bosnian and Kosovar Muslims. Milošević smiled and admitted that he had unleashed wars in Bosnia and Croatia, creating 2 million refugees. "But there were 250,000 casualties of those wars, and if I ever am tried for war crimes at the Hague, I can testify under oath that approximately two hundred thousand of those victims were PERSONALLY murdered by BILL MURRAY." It shocked me to think that 4/5 of those killed in the civil war in the former Yugoslavia had been personally executed by Bill Murray, but somehow I knew that Milošević was speaking the truth. Nonetheless, Bill Murray--his eyes as cold as ice--turned to Slobo, spat on the floor, and said (in conversational Serbian, a language that he was fluent in) "No-One Will Ever Believe You."

fail

>>119487337
omg haha

I'm doing some major fucking heroin in a squat house and representing mad anarchy, right? Bill Murray comes to the couch I was sitting on, sits down with bloodshot eyes and stares at me. This went on for at least the whole day.

So the other day I was having a few drinks at the bar, when I had to take a piss. I got up from my stool and shouted "I GOTTA TAKE A PISS, WHO WANTS TO COME HOLD IT FOR ME?" The entire room just stared at me in silence, like they had never had a man ask them to hold his PENIS for him while he pissed. "ANYBODY? NOBODY?" Then I saw Bill Murray. "BILL MURRAY, YOU WANNA HOLD MY DICK FOR ME WHILE I PISS?" Bill leaned in close to me and whispered in my ear, "No one will ever relieve you."

I know the feeling, but I didn't expect it in the middle of a public park, much less in my old-fashioned conservative hickory town back west. A lurid tongue, straight up my asshole. Needless to say, I was quite shocked! I hadn't seen it coming in any way, shape or form. I was sitting there on a park bench after all! (Again, in that old-fashioned conservative hickory town back west)
Bill Murray stands up, wipes the spit off his lip, and says "No one is ever going to believe you." and goes back to rimming my ass. I tried yell for help, but nobody believed me.
They wouldn't come. No...
They wouldn't listen.

I was raped that day. Raped by Bill Murray.
(I still go to his movies though, I think he's a tremendous actor)

I'm at a carnival with my brother and we go to try out all of the rides. We buy those delicious dippin' dots and start a conversation about global warming and whatnot. Out of nowhere comes Brian Doyle-Murray. He whispers in my ear, "No one will ever care". And I'll be damned if he wasn't right.

I was Bill Murray and I was walking at a park at night when I saw some doosh walking along like nothing was wrong. I snuck up behind him, covered his eyes and said 'no one will ever believe you'. Then I ran off.

"Just like in Translation, a younger woman lured him away from a bar to a random group of her friends in a strange place. No word on whether there was karaoke, but I'm loving the details about Murray drinking vodka out of a coffee mug and helping out with the dishes. He also apparently tried to coax the host to reheat some leftover pasta, which makes him my personal hero."

popwatch.ew.com/popwatch/2006/10/bill_murray_par.html

>>119489529
winrar

back in 02, I was on the bus home back from school (i was twelve at the time) when the tacos i ate the night before started to fuck up my stomach. I realized I had explosive diahrrea, ran towards the bus driver and begged him to stop the bus. To my surprise, the fucking asshole just started laughing maniacly and after suddenly stopping the bus in the middle of the street he said "fucking kids these days". I stood there, with my mouth open as i realized Bill Murray was my bus school driver. He then punched me as hard as I've ever been hit in the gut, making me shit myself all over my pants, diahrrea squirting down my legs into a small puddled and said "No one is ever going to believe you" as he stepped off the bus leaving it in the middle of the street.

>I was raped that day. Raped by Bill Murray.

I'm sorry. I just don't believe you.

I had always wondered why Bill Murray seemed to take a hiatus from acting in 1994. The only film he released that year was "Ed Wood", in which he played a very small role as Bunny Breckinridge---he had filmed his part in a week, and otherwise did no other work that year. Once when we were at his beach house in Malibu, I happened to ask Bill Murray why he hadn't done more films that year. "You wanna know?" said Bill, and beckoned for me to follow him to the basement, where he opened up a large vault and invited me in. The vault was full of souvenirs from the 1994 Rwandan genocide, when between 800,000 and one million innocent people were slaughtered in approximately three months. The news media had reported that the genocide was prompted by ethnic tensions between Hutu and Tutsi, but as I looked around the vault----decorated with photos of Bill Murray standing triumphant in front of heaps of bloodied corpses, sometimes stacked in layers of 8 or 9 bodies deep---photos of Bill Murray stripped to the waist, personally disembowelling Hutu children, and raping dead Hutu women two at a time----I realized that the Rwandan genocide had been the work of one man: Bill Murray. "Bill.....why are you showing me this?" I asked, in horrified anguish. Bill chuckled and said, offhandedly, "No-one will ever believe you."

One night I woke up abruptly in my bed to find two fingers in my VAGINA, and I looked to my right and found that they belonged to Bull Murray who was lying next to me. When he saw that I was awoke, he took his fingers out and wiped them off. He got up and said "no one will beleve you" and walked out of my room.

I recently found out that Bill Murray is a fucking liar because he told me that no one would ever believe me after he tied my shoes once but I told this guy about the encounter and he believed me. I'm going to sue Bill Murray.

>>119496755
>Bull Murray
>Bull

lulz

>>119496701
>>119494770
>>119492676
>>119491716
>>119490802
i....i love you.

>>119497509

aww thanks. i was starting to think nobody was reading mine because they were too long. :D

I was 16 going on 17 when I lost my virginity. I went to a party at my friends house. Of course we were young so we were having a good time, drinking and smoking and what not. Soon around the end of the night one of the popular girls ask me if I wanted to go up to a room and "get to know eachother" I was flabbergasted! Well after we got to the room is when I blacked out. I awoke in the morning with a hangover and for some reason a sore ass. I suddenly remember the girl from last night and I turn to my right. There was Bill Murray, his creased face leaning in close. Bill whispered, "No one is ever going to believe you," and then he just walked away.

>>119498119

Congrats anon. Youre very well versed in your genocides

Bill Murray. No one will believe you.

one day i was walking in the local mall, and felt the need to buy one of those seasonal pretzels from auntie anne's (the one with coconut and shit... so cash). i buy my little treat and a diet coke; i turn around in delight. i suddenly feel a sharp pain in my nuts. i look up in my pain-filled haze, and see none other than bill mother fucking murray chomping at my pretzel. he whispers in my ear "no one will ever believe you," takes a sip of my calorie free cola, dumps it on me, and skips away.

I WANT BILLY TITS NAOW!!!!!!!!!!

>>119498742
Th... this happened to me too!!!!

R.I.P. 4chan
Goodnight sweet prince

I remember in December of 1991, I attended the Hollywood premiere of Oliver Stone's film "JFK". I found myself at the bar, seated next to none other than Bill Murray, who was fresh from the success of his summer hit that year, "What About Bob?" co-starring Richard Dreyfuss. I remember remarking to Bill Murray that, although I wasn't born yet, I had been told that everyone who was alive on that day remembered exactly where they were when John F Kennedy was shot. "Oh, I remember where I was," said Bill Murray. I remarked that I was curious to know---was he in school at the time? Bill Murray gave a curious half-smile and said: "I was on the Grassy Knoll." A chill ran down my spine as I realized he was telling the truth. I started to get up from my chair to find a telephone, to tell people what I had learned....but Bill reached out and seated me back down onto the barstool, then he pulled open his jacket-flap to reveal two fully automatic revolvers which were strapped to his body underneath the jacket. "Don't even try," said Bill Murray. "No-one will ever believe you."

This one time, I was driving back from my friends party when I stopped at a red light. Normally, the streets at this hour are empty, but as i looked out my window, there was Bill Murray riding a razor scooter down the middle of the road. He looked over and saw me staring. He rode up next to my car window and said "No one will ever believe you" and rode off.

>>119499431

lol

so anyways, I was at college today, and I got to class early. So I was the only one sitting outside waiting for someone to unlock the door when, to my surprise, Bill Murrey climbed down off the roof, looked me in the eye for a moment, and said "Nobody will ever believe you"

this one time i was standing in line at a convenience store searching my pocket for a dollar to pay for my candy bar and i guess i was taking too long cause bill murray pushed past me, paid for my stuff and his, then turned to me and said "nobody will ever believe you".

My family and I live in suburb of a nearby metropolis sized city. We are a God fearing family and say grace before every meal we consume. The usual prayer to the Lord almighty would be the generic 'Bless us and our house, bless our friends, etc.'. There was one night however that stands out. We we're all called downstairs for dinner, the usual roasted Chicken and potatoes we're all laid out on the table. I was particularly disgruntled because I asked my mother specifically for mashed potatoes but felt 'too lazy' to make it. Dammit.

Anyways, my sister, brother, father, mother we're all seated. I asked to go to the bathroom quickly and my family obliged. I came back to the dining room and noticed an open seat. Odd, was nana coming to dinner? She usually comes Sundays. I passed the thought quickly and resumed my postion of prayer, as did the rest of the family. I hear a voice that does not belong to my family, but sounds awfully fimiliar; something I've heard in a movie or something. The voice is memorizing and brought back memories of my childhood. The voice stops and we all look up.

There in the blood is Bill Murray giving toast at our table. My family all looked at each other with awe and shock. Bill takes a chicken leg, stands up and stands 'No one will ever believe you' and walked away.

>>119498742
the best, the best, the best, the best, the best, the best, the best, the best, the best, the best, the best, the best, the best, the best, the best, the best, the best, the best, the best, the best, the best, the best, the best, the best, the best, the best, the best, the best, the best, the best, the best, the best, the best, the best, the best, the best, the best, the best, the best, the best, the best, the best

I'm sitting here right now next to Bill Murray. He is laughing his ass off at all of the posts here, and trying to convince me they are all true. I told him I'd post about his presence next to me, and he simply said, “No one is ever going to believe you.”

It wasn't too long ago, 2005 if I recall, Bill had just finished filming Lost in Translation; we met at an airport bar in Memphis. My flight to Anchorage had been resheduled, some 5 hour layover. Bill was a welcome respite - a familiar face in an airport always is - but you have to be careful with celebrities. There's a faux familiarity that the big screen creates. I tried to bum a smoke off John Wayne once. He ignored me, of course, as he was right to do. We don't have any right. Given that whole experience, I was apprehensive. Yet Bill seemed friendly enough, and took the empty spot next to me at the bar. He ordered a Bellows and tonic - my favorite drink. 'I loved you in Ghostbusters,' I said. How foolish. He turned to me, one eyebrow raised; it wasn't the time or place. I couldn't work up the courage to follow it up. He finished his drink, and rose to leave, but as he gathered his things he said: No one will never believe you.

This one time I was bangin my sister bill murray jumps out of the closets slaps me in the face with his cock and blows a load on my sisters face and "says" you aint gonna tell nobody bout this shit no hows.

>>119501949
just wow

>>119502134
just no

>>119498742
see
>>119502129

>>119502380
>>119502134
>>119501949
samefag

Bill (groundhog day ghost bustin ass) Muray

Don't you know that caffeine can cause serous delirium?

Once I had to take a shit like no other, but I was in the middle of the desert and there were no rest stops. So I pulled over to the shoulder, got out of my car and walked maybe 15 feet, unzipped, and let 'er rip. It felt ridiculously good until I turned around to walk back, and an actual Audi R10 was pulled up directly behind my ride. The driver poked his head out, and it was Bill Murray. He shouted some crude comment at me and than yelled, "No one will ever believe you."

archive this

>>119501949
>>119501949
Damn this nigger is the funniest nigger that ever lived ever

Thats my word son

>>119503109
>>119503109
>>119503109
>>119503109

inb4 Bill Murray RAGE comic

>>119502699

nicotine is used as an insecticide.

are you a bug, bill murray?

My dad beat me to a pulp, bent down, then whispered in my ear "no one will ever believe you."

and he was right.

Oh wait, that's not funny.

I am He know to all as the one God. I created all that there is in six days. On day seven I took rest, threw a bar-b-cue, tossed back some brews, and discussed my need for those I've created to accept my existence on faith alone without proof with Bill Murray. He grinned, slowly shook his head and muttered “No one is ever going to believe you”.

No one will ever believe you

THIS THREAD NEEDS TO BE ARCHIVED NOW. THIS IS THE FIRST DECENTLY FUNNY MEME IN MONTHS.

>>119507595

seconded

>>119508030
thirded

>>119485863
This picture makes Bill Murray look like a Greek statue.

>>119508622
And that is not a bad thing, by the way.

>>119507595
Fouth'd

>>119508766

Fifth'd. Did someone archive it? I don't know what you're supposed to do to archive a thread.

>>119488296

no, but even if he were, noone would ever believe you.

i was taking a dump on the can when i saw a face pop out from under the next stall, the creased face of bill murry whispered "no one is ever going to believe you" and then slowly receded

TOO MANY DAYS TO GET LOST

MANY MANY PEOPLE I'VE KNOWN...

... GOT LOST

No one will ever believe what song this is.

>>119509093
http://4chanarchive.org/brchive/main.php?mode=submit

COME ON, BITCHES, WE NEED 5 MORE REQUESTS TO GET THIS SHIT ARCHIVED.

>>119510175
>>119509500
fucking BUMP

we need 4 more faggots to req archive

archive this shit, nig.

archive request, requested

>>119510468
2 more bump

archive!

It was late one night, a few years ago, when I was walking through Union Square Park. I suddenly walked up behind someone, and put my hands over their eyes. They turned in surprise, so I leaned my creased face in close then I whispered, “No one is ever going to believe you,” and then just walked away.

>>119511021

well then, ill be sure to do that tonight. Goodbye sleeplesness, thanks bill! :)

the first several threads about this....
http://filerama.com/89219j54jx5k/billmurray_collection_4.zip.html

it seems bill made it

we have 8

One afternoon I was walking through a crowded Tokyo street. Suddenly, Bill Murray emerged from the back of crowd and whispered something in my ear. I couldn't hear him.

>>119511459

the other threads were much better than this one. this is not the one that deserves to get archived, unless people post the good stories from the original threads from that zip. and the shoops.

http://www.AnonTalk.com/ -- Fighting the cancer of the Internet, one quality post at a time.

>>119489640
Bill Murray's kids went to my college

My roomate used to babysit them. They were from Stamford, CT.

people do believe me

>>119511459
>>119511459
>>119511459
Hey guys, I am the guy who originated this meme last week (and I made that zip from the threads I had started and the shoops that mostly I had made). The stories have to be plausible or its just lame - that's why I think this thread is not quite good enough yet. My goal was to get newspapers and mainstream media to report some of these legends as fact.

>>119512278
Guess what: the link to that ZIP has now been archived.

>>119513535
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2008/07/a-probably-fake-bill-murray-story

these stories started over 6 months ago. don't lie.

>>119512294
Not this shit again.

>>119513874
actually, as I said in my original threads, this theory started six years ago!

http://gawker.com/news/diary/bizarre-subway-encounters-with-bill-murray-12268.php

By Gawker, 4:51 PM on Mon May 19 2003, 591 views

A reader writes, "A friend (claims he) was walking through the Union Square station when Bill Murray walked up to him, gave him a noogie and then whispered into his ear: "no one will ever believe you."

>>119514587
(continued)
protip: the origin of this HERE was last week , when a thread about "Post Your Real-Life Celebrity Stories" got hijacked by people telling bullshit first-person Bill Murray stories which always end with Bill saying "Noone will ever believe you."

but outlandish bill murray stories have been bandied about online for years. google "bill murray stories". I just thought it could work here. Like I said, I just want to see odd yet plausible stories that are believable enough to become urban legends in the mainstream media.

It'd be funny if one of these stories actually made it to a tabloid or some of those shitty newspapers. And it mustn't be too hard to accomplish

It was shortly after 9 am on September 11th, I was driving under the off-ramp of the George Washington Bridge in Manhattan, on the way to work at a Wall Street firm, and listening to a gospel CD. A man in a large SUV started swerving wildly and almost forced me into one of the support pillars. After some artful dodging, he pulls off the road right in front of me. I stopped to see if he was ill and noticed that he was pounding on the steering wheel and screaming. Upon further inspection I notice an unfolded parachute in the back seat. I look at the man again as to try and better understand what the fuck is going on and I notice its Bill Murray, his creased face leaning in close. Bill whispered, "No one is ever going to believe you," and then he just drove away.

as god as my witness, i'm not bullshitting.
Honestly, last winter I had a late-night bill murray sighting that i was hoping would turn into an epic (i too had heard the stories), but it was immediately after the divorce and he was catching a cab late at night. i knew it was him from across the street and i crossed over to say hi, but he turned around so as to not be noticed. being it was only me and him in this shitty neighborhood (near union square taco bell), i think he might have thought i was a homeless guy to ask for money.

it's not that interesting, but it isn't a bullshit story either.

I was at a hotel bar in NY last summer. It was lonely but there across the room was Bill Murray. I had the bartender send him a drink on me. He sent the drink back with a note:

"Shave the mustache."


No bullshit.

>>119515375
>>119515448
>>119514587
>>119513535

lets work together to make this a full scale meme; like, Bill is in depserate need of an Encyclopedia Dramatica page to ensure his legacy

>>119514587

five years later, gawker re-reports the story

http://gawker.com/5103788/sad-bill-murray-accosting-people-in-union-square


Sad Bill Murray: Accosting People In Union Square
By Richard, 2:28 PM on Sun Dec over 9000 2008, 23,314 views

There’s an urban legend that’s gone around until no one is sure who it happened to, or if it happened at all. It was late one night, a few years ago, when a young man was walking through Union Square Park. He suddenly felt someone behind him, their hands over his eyes. When he turned in surprise, there was Bill Murray, his creased face leaning in close. Bill whispered, “No one will ever believe you,” and then just walked away.

ttp://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000195/board/thread/131417059

oh...

Bill Murray and I were in a biker bar on old Route 66 in Missouri during a thunderstorm. small sign near the bar says:
"handjobs $1
cheese sandwiches $4"

Bill sees the old grizzled battle ax trucker woman (think "Large Marge" from PeeWees Big Adventure) behind the counter, and asks, "you the woman who gives the $1 handjobs"

"yeah" she replies in a cigarette ravaged voice.

without hesitation, bill replies,
"here's $8, go wash your hands and make us some cheese sandwiches."

dude, i think the meme is out of your hands now. i was on that "real life celebrity stories" thread last week, and I just joined in with making up bullshit bill murray stories when it started. but i don't think they need to be plausible---i think these are pretty fucking funny---like the ones that accuse him of genocide, which i thought were fucking hilarious----i mean i think it's better if bill murray turns into /b/'s new evil genius, rather than getting some "plausible" story into the mainstream media.

>>119516710

lol fuck that im going to sleep (not before my warm glass of milk though) Ive got to take a test in a couple of hours. However youve got my support. Bill definitely deserves an E.D. page.

he earned it

>>119516336
Best one in this fucking thread

>>119517191

THEBEST

>>119516710
I'll gladly work together with anyone - I just think /b/tards shouldn't jump the shark with the rape/defamatory stories and keep it to odd but plausible behavior.

i can't edit ED, but I think a pastebin is needed to be a permanent collection of the best stories (that can be added to).

I think downloading my zip will help anyone keep this going in the future.
(there's no bullshit, but it was made on a mac)

http://filerama.com/89219j54jx5k/billmurray_collection_4.zip.html

Bill Murray saved my life.
I was walking home from the Wrigleyville bars one night, when a group of thugs started beating the shit out of me.

Bill Murray shows up out of the blue and says, "Okay, boys, he's had enough." He gives them each $20 bills and then pats me on the back and adjusts my collar, as he says, "no one will ever believe you."

>>119517614
The only reason why I'm so big that the stories remain plausible is that the Chuck Norris shit has been done before.

What we need is a meme that fucks with people's minds, getting them to at least question on some level whether it is true. And with Bill Murray, so much of it could actually be true.

A few months ago I was catering a pretty big private party for some executive producer types and serving some porcini stuffed phyllo purses when through the thick of the crowd, none other than Bill Murray approached me I guess after having another attendee tell him about what I was walking around serving. I served the hors d'oeuvres to him and he took a bite and said it was wonderful and would like our company to do his next gathering. So excitedly (but not too excitedly) I gave him my business card thinking how awesome would it be to hang out/do some work at Bill fucking Murray's house when he took the card and extended his arm slowly, and crushed the card! No one else seemed to be paying attention when he was through his dramatic act and he just looked at me and simply stated, "No one is ever going to believe you." and he took another purse and a napkin and just walked back to catch the last bit of Larry David's story I overheard.

>>119518879
agreed. The Bill Brasky/Paul Bunyan/Chuck Norris thing has gotten old.

The fun here is concocting stories of celebrity engaging in strange behavior by celebrity standards, but the kind of behavior expected of sociopaths.

just take the craziest true stories of your life and put bill murray in them.

Anonymous 02/20/09(Fri)03:21:53 No.118529647

no one ever believes this - I was working in Burger King and who should come in? Bill Murray, that's who. He ordered two cheeseburgers, took one bite at the counter then placed them carefully on the floor and fucked off without paying. I called for the manager but Bill was already at the door and he turned and said "no one's gonna believe you". He was fucking right too - no one believed me then, nor has anyone ever believed me since.

you fuckers probably don't even believe me.

No one will ever believe me.

I was shaving my balls one night and Bill Murray hiding under my bed came out and shoved his finger up my arse and sucked his finger. He then said I LIEK CHOCOLATE MILK and then he whispered in my ear "no one will ever believe you".Then he walked off.

I continued shaving my balls.

o hell yes.

http://www.observer.com/2008/o2/sad-bill-murray-crashing-hipster-parties-what-else-is-new

lsenxgx

i was at a cubs game at wrigley field last season and who do i find sitting in the same section a mere few rows below me: bill-fucking-murray. He was wearing a cubs fisherman hat and those cheap 80s sunglasses, not unlike the ones rick astley wears, actually. the cubs end up scoring 4 runs in the bottom of the 7th inning to take the lead and he buys the whole section beer to celebrate. i told him i was 19 but he said it doesnt matter because no one will ever believe me anyways.

I was playing guitar on the subway platform at union square I noticed Bill Murray was walking towards me and I started playing Queen Bitch by Bowie and he threw a 20 in my case

Bill Murray himself once entered — and finished third in a Bill Murray lookalike competition.

Murray told a reporter at this time that he was "tempted to give lessons in (the groundskeeper voice from Caddyshack)", out of pity as well as in the desire to see the thing done correctly.

http://www.nowpublic.com/strange/bill-murray-crashes-parties-around-new-york

At around 3:30 on the morning after Halloween, two dozen twentysomething hipsters linger at a loft party in East Williamsburg. The kegs are dry, but die-hard stragglers are still dancing drunkenly in the main room. Dave Summers, a 29-year-old grad student at the Bank Street College of Education and one of the party's hosts, has dressed as a cloud for the night—his baby-blue T-shirt and baseball cap covered in dozens of white cotton balls. While several guests have come as Sarah Palin, one is in a furry yellow duck costume. Another is Bill Murray's character from the 1980 film Caddyshack.

Suddenly, one of Dave's guests runs over to tell him: "The real Bill Murray just walked in the door."

"You're joking," Dave scoffs.

"No, really, he's here."

Still not entirely convinced, but worried the actor might leave if there's no booze, Dave runs to a nearby bodega to grab some beer. When he returns, the shopping bag breaks in the hallway. As errant bottles roll across the floor, suddenly there's Bill Murray—leaning down to help collect the beer and even sticking one in his shirt pocket.

yesterday i walked up to some kid on the bus, poked him, said "you're never going to believe me", then got off at my stop.

>>119485863
>>119492539
>>119492539
>>119492539

lol how lame can you be

but i love scarlett IRL

So one night i was watching Lost in Translation and Bob Harris whispered "No one will ever believe in you" to Charlotte and then walked away and got in a taxi and drove away.

Bill Murray was eating cereal in my kitchen one morning when I woke up.

I asked him what he was doing and he said, "I do whatever I want, No one will ever believe you". dumbfounded, i left for work.

When i got home from work every piece of furniture in my house had been replaced by small dollhouse versions

(post deleted by 4chanarchive)

>>119491493
Hi Bill Murray! So, I got a ghost you see...

bill murray threw a crumpled up piece of paper at me and I opened it up and read that it said "You're It" and the motherfucker ran away

(post deleted by 4chanarchive)

It was late one night, a few years ago, when I was walking through Union Square Park with my girlfriend. I suddenly felt someone behind me, their hands over my eyes. When I turned in surprise, there was Bill Murray, firing of a pistol equipped with a silencer into my girlfriend's gasp-suspended face. Bill whispered, “No one is ever going to believe you,” and then just walked away.

i was working as a p.a. on groundhog day and i kind of got infatuated with andie mcdowell that month

one morning, i found some old modeling pics of andie. i thinking i was alone, i started masturbating in the bathroom of the set trailer.

then bill murray walked in. he looked at the magazine in my hand, my dick in the other, shook his head and walked out.

true story.

I was shopping at the Virgin Megastore on Union Square in Manhattan....browsing for CDs....when I realized this dude standing next to me kept, like, taking little steps to get closer to me until he was practically rubbing up next to me. I swear I thought it was some kind of pervert and I was about to turn around and hit the guy, or shove him, when I realized it was BILL MURRAY. So I say, like, "You're Bill Murray" and he says "Yeah, I hope so, I just fired my agents so I was wondering." Then he says, "Hey, you ever shoplift?" And I said, "Uh, no." And he says, "Look kid, here's how you do it....first let's pick out something you want".....and he like grabs 5 or 6 CDs from the rack....he looks at them first and says "Hey, Belle & Sebastian, you like Belle & Sebastian? I FUCKING LOVE THEM" then he pushes them into my hands and says "Hide these under your shirt and walk with me". Then he marches us down the aisle to the front door of the store, and whispers in my ear, "Run for it", and pushes me through the door. And as the shoplifting alarm goes off, he suddenly raises his arms over his head and says "IF ANYBODY WANTS MY AUTOGRAPH, NOW'S YOUR CHANCE." And suddenly everybody turns around and starts mobbing him, and I find myself standing on 14th St and Union Square holding 6 Belle & Sebastian CD's while Bill Murray is mobbed by autograph seekers.

>>119485863
http://weturl.com/4520/
http://weturl.com/4520/
http://weturl.com/4520/
http://weturl.com/4520/
http://weturl.com/4520/
http://weturl.com/4520/
http://weturl.com/4520/

GO. RIGHT NOW.

This is a true story, seriously.

I was attending a small concert of an unsigned, NY-based rock band, and in the middle of the show one of the fans threw a beer bottle on stage and hit the drummer. He wasn't hurt too badly, but blood was dripping into his eyes so he couldn't play. After a pause, Bill fucking Murray walks out from stage left, picks up the bottle that was thrown, and wails it back at the drunk fan (it didn't hit the guy, but they did kick him out). He then gently helps the drummer offstage, and when he comes back he sits down at the drumset and finishes the show with the band. He was pretty good!

>>119521626
well fucking done!

fun fact: in rushmore when his character walks across a basketball court and stuffs a little kids shot, bill murray improvised that - he got that from a real life experience when his kids were playing with hakeem olajuwon. hakeem blocked the little kids' shots!

These all remind me of the famous story about Esther Williams (ask your Grampa). During her movie heyday, a teen kid ran into her and her friends at some hamburger stand in the middle of nowhere. After she gave him her autograph, he said 'Gosh, I don't think my friends are going to believe I met Esther Williams!'. So she pulled her sweater and shirt up and flashed her bare boobs at the kid. Walking away she said to her friend, 'now they definitely won't believe him'.

I pray this happened. I want to live in a world where that happens.

I came into my room one day to play my beloved oblivion in which I boasted over 200 hours of playtime, a level 50 wood elf, with a happening pad in Skingrad. Unfortuantely to my surprise i soon discovered that my Oblivion file had been erased. No sooner did i discover this, Bill Murray jumped down from my top bunk, gave me a wide grin, and realizing i knew what he had done responded...No one will ever believe you

>>119492937

Yeah. I want to believe so bad. So bad...

I was at a Cubs game when Bill Murray sang "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" (i think he does it at least twice per season). We left in the 8th inning and went to the cubby bear bar nearby. He had evidently left early too and was there having a beer with some of his people. At one point, I guess he went to the bathroom to take a leak because I saw him come out of there. The fucked up thing: his dick was hangin out of his pants - fly undone, dick hanging out. No shit. A waiter caught him and told him before he got far.
Fucked up thing seein Bill Murray's dick.

I was walking through an orange grove with my girlfriend. We picked some oranges and were just walking along, talking, and eating. The sky was getting dark so we decided to head home. On the way back we spotted some cows and a rabbit. We were almost to the fence when we heard a loud screeching noise. From across the field I could see a man on a horse heading toward us. When he got to us I realized it was Bill Murray. He was dressed in full cowboy garb and carried a huge whip. He smiled at my girlfriend and cracked his whip. He looked at me and said "Nobody will ever believe you". He screeched again and rode off into the grove.

IDEA FOR A SOCIAL EXPERIMENT

If we all tell our non /b/-tard friends at least one of these stories (the more plausible ones) happened to a cousin of ours, I'd love to see how long before it reaches around the world.

Maybe about 97, 98 - I was living in Asheville, NC, working at Evil Eye Video.
Bill Murray was in town, everyone had been talking about it. Sure enough, he walks in.

He's just bumming around, not looking for anything in particular. He picks up the Lost-and-Found Video Night series, checks em out, but then picks up this Carl Weathers movie called Action Jackson. Bill says, "Carl Weathers - you know he used to play football ? Seriously one of the best comedic actors I've ever known," proceeds to tell some Carl Weathers story but I'm distracted with a phone call and I'd rather fucking hang up but it would look bad in front of Bill. After I hang up I said, "Go on, you were saying ?..."
He tells this story about meeting Carl for lunch to talk about a project, and he made fun of Action Jackson to Carl, said, "I'd like to make your character's name be, instead of Action Jackson, DULL Jackson. And if you do this, can Dull Jackson be a kind of Rudy Ray Moore Dolemite thing."

I was saw Bill Murray in line at the Yogurt Land across the street from the Beverly Center during my lunch break. He started getting into an argument with a fan that wouldn't leave him alone. After he paid for his yogurt he snuck up behind the unruly fan, knocked the fan's yogurt cup out of his hands, then walked briskly out of the store.

It was a regular Wednesday and I was working my shitty conveniece store job. The lull between lunch and when people start getting out of work. I hear the door open but don't look over since I was finishing up an article in the paper. I finish the the last couple sentences and look up to see fuckin' Bill Maury standing in front of me with some hot chick at his side. He sets a 6-pack of Molson XXX on the counter and winks at me. I ring him out while I tell him I'm a fan of his work. Right before he leaves he glances over at the chick and says 'dump 'em out'. The chick lifts up her shirt and produces some phenomenal titties. He looks at me smirking and says 'no one will ever believe you' then he left.

So I was on jury duty for a murder trial that had no chance of seeing the defendant get time because of flimsy evidence and bad evidence gathering. But right at the end, as the accused was clearing his name on the stand in his own defense, the prosecutor call on Bill Murray, who had been sitting in the back. Bill Murray walks up to the defendant, and tells him "no one will ever believe you." The jury found the guy guilty and he got the death penalty.

Bob Hope Classic golf tourney in Palm Desert, CA. Celebrities and shit golf alongside real golfers. I decided to follow bill murray, as he was one of my comedy heroes.

17th hole, he hits his ball way long on the par 3 hole, landing in the raised grandstands behind. He decides to climb up into the grandstands and hit his ball from a drop....but he dropped the ball on a table. From there, he successfully navigates the ball from table to green in one shot....epic....

Yeah, I saw bill fucking murray hit a golf ball off a table onto the green on the 17th hole of a legendary golf tourney....priceless

P.S. he wears a golf glove on each hand

I stood behind Bill Murray one time at the grocery store. He bought a box of condoms, a bottle of Nyquil, and a hammer.

I pretended not to notice, but our eyes met for a moment and you can guess what he said.

me and dan aykroyd are walking down the street in nyc. I work in marketing for House of Blues, so I deal with Dan alot.

I look across the street and see bill murray. i say to dan "hey, its bill murray!," because, hey what are the odds of this??

"oh shit it is" said dan.

we start to walk across the street, then bill sees us and yells "fuck you aykroyd,you cocksucker"

dan looks over at me, all crestfallen, and says" i dont fucking believe it"

I was taking a shit in a public restroom at a greyhound station, when i noticed a gloryhole in the side of the stall. I figured what the hell, stuck my dick through and got a quick anonymous blowjob. After I came, i wiped my ass and left the bathroom without washing my hands. Bill murray comes out of the bathroom behind me, winks and says "you didn't wash your hands, thats kind of dirty, dont you think?" before walking away.

Seriousy though, true story. Bill Murray came into my work, I'm a real estate agent and I cancelled all my appointments for the day the second he asked me to show him some houses. I drive him around, we talk about this and that, nothing exciting. I even bought him a coffee. We looked through at least twenty houses.
Finally I get him back to my office and I ask him if he's interested in any of the properties I showed him. To which he replies, "No."

I've had two Bill Murray encounters in the Village. One was back in 1983. I was walking with a friend down 2nd ave by St Marks Place and Bill passed by us.

I instinctively yelled out "Bill"! He turned around and I waved. He waved back.

I called my friend from a phonebooth right after that (I introduced SNL to her a few years before ) She fell him love with him from that first show. She told me she had to run to the bathroom 'cause she was so excited from my telling her I passed her on the street!

Cut to a few weeks later, I'm in a record store in the village. Who is crouching down looking through bins of records , you guessed it, Bill Murray.

While Bill was browsing, he was singing along to a Stones song playing thoroughout the tiny shop - the song title title escapes me now - lyrics going something like " I've tried and I've tried" in that Murray voice that only he possesses.

What's that Stones song again? I can hear it in my head right now. 'This is not the first time' or something like that the name of the Stones song?

Was never a huge stones fan so I'm at a loss.

can you really doubt any of these?

http://thebrazilianmuse.blogspot.com/2005/06/i-dont-even-know-where-to-begin.html


--After being told by Bill Murray's wife(?) that she'd have to take another photo of the three of us because I'd accidentally blinked, I found myself getting SPANKED by Bill as he yelled at me to "Open! [smack] Your! [smack] Eyes! [smack]" (I think that's the closest I'm ever going to get to sex with a celebrity. It was awesome.)

(post deleted by 4chanarchive)

>>119520603
>>119520603
>>119520603
fucking liar that was charlie chaplin

lol internet

My girlfriend and I were at Obama's inauguration when we noticed someone familiar walking near us along Connecticut Ave.....

PIC FUCKING RELATED.

(yes, we're asian-americans)

Bill Murray sat in a corner silent all night at a party I was at in NY, and when it cleared out he thanked me for hosting and took a garbage bag full of bottles to recycle for me

meet that guy at musso franks on valentines day
i have his autograph in a little notepad that has pot leaves all over it

he wrote happy valentine's day big boy

Bill Murray tapped my foot while we were shitting next to eachother at O'Hare airport.

At first, I thought it was a gay guy hitting on me, like the Larry Craig incident. But the person said "excuse me".

I didn't realize it was Bill Murray until he came out of the stall and winked at me while we were washing our hands

http://gawker.com/5103788/sad-bill-murray-accosting-people-in-union-square

Bill Murray saw me on a laptop in an airport terminal and tapped me on the shoulder to ask me if I knew what ytmnd was, serious post

This one is for the books.

I was in Austin, Tx, and this was about 4-5 years ago, i'd say. I went to a club on 6th street, and at about 4 in the morning, i was in a restroom washing my hands, and to the right was Bill Murray. And he's washing his hands, and i'm just staring at the guy smiling like crazy. And he turns to me, and smirks

"You always smile at people you don't know"?

all i could say was

"Sorry...it's just, you're Bill Murray"!

The guy fucking smiles, pats me on the back and says

"Just having some fun."

and then he left. I will never forget that.

I'll never believe you

absolutely no bullshit here. it was a slow day at the liquor store i work at. my manager was taking a smoke break around back. bill murray walked in. he was wearing big shades and a hat. he didn't want to be noticed. he asked where our grain alcohol was. i was dumbfounded. i loved bill murray's work. i grew up on ghostbusters. the life aquatic is one of the few movies that makes me bawwww like an infant. i couldn't even think of how i could begin to praise him, so instead i pointed out the everclear. he took a pint off the shelf, put a mouth ful in his mouth, pulled out a lighter, and shot a flame in the middle of the store. he slapped a twenty on the counter and whispered, "no one's gonna believe you".

FACT: Bill Murray has a glass of warm milk before bed.
http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/eae26bb96d/bill-murray-in-fcu-fact-checkers-unit-from-peteandbrian-
and-bill-murray

One time I was walking around in NYC and Bill Murry thought I was Jack Black. No JOKE. I get it all the time. He asked for my autograph and i gave it to him. He saw it didnt say jack black. THen he told me that "No one is going to believe you"

>>119528164

BSSSSSS bars in austin close at 2!

so my buddy is going to school where one of his professors used to attend with Bill Murray. It was at Regis University in northern Denver, CO. Bill got hisself kicked out of the Jesuit run university for repeatedly being caught driving his golf cart around nude and spending his afternoons leisurely practicing his golf swing by driving balls off the tops of the campus buildings, also in the nude.

True story

i once saw Bill Murray swimming with dolphins at one of those places that lets you actually do that. He told me he actually never gets sick of dolphins.

no one ever catches eyes anymore

I was working in a movie theater in the spring of 1984, and Bill Murray came in looking to see if we were playing the trailer for Ghostbusters. We weren't but I took the opportunity to tell him how much I liked Where the Buffalo Roam. He laughed and said "Yeah, we're rounding up those people."

True story.

I got snubbed for a fist bump by Bill Murray.

pic related.

yes, in hindsight, I can see he's got a drink in his hand.

What.

One night I awoke to the sight of a man on top of me. I noticed he was also massaging my PENIS. I looked said man in the eyes to find it was Bill Murray, he leaned over and whispered into my ear "no one is ever going to believe you." He then rolled out of my bed and went out the window then proceeded to scale my house

you've reminded me of one of the greatest jb nude scenes ever.

>>119532488
CHANNEL FUCKIN' ZERO

OONTZ!!!!!!!!!!

>>119531369
Never mind that, that's Vladimir Putin behind him in the suit!

>>119532435
as an actor, that has to fuck with your mind so much. maybe they rehearsed it several times so he could concentrate on his role.

(post deleted by 4chanarchive)

SO, I'm watching Cartoon Network one night, waiting for a pizza. It finally shows up and the delivery driver is Bill Fucking Murray. He then proceeds to bust into my house, throw me on the table, and anally rape me. When he was about to cum he said "Here's another topping for ya'" and cums all over my face. So I pay him, give him a nice tip, and eat my pizza while watching Superjail.

About 4 months ago, I was waiting in line at the Pathmark, buying tampons for my sister, and I turned around to see how many ppl were behind me in line, and this old fucker with crazy hair was smirking at me. So I used my peripherals to get a second glance and looked down and noticed that his legs were shaved, so I thought, "hmmph, faggot." But then he says "I'll bet u want an autograph, eh?" And I said, "what? Who the fuck are u?" And he says, "I'm Brian Doyle Murray." And I'm like "who the fuck is that?" So he says "Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack? Captain K'nuckles?" And I was already feeling uncomfortable about being there, so I said "Shut the fuck up. Seriously, sir, don't speak another word to me out of your psycho faggot mouth." And he said "I'm Bill Murray's brother." And I turned around and took a real look at him, and said "you're Bill Murray's brother!" And he said, "yeah, dipshit." But then I just shrugged and told him "Sorry, but no one is ever going to believe you." He cried and dropped a deuce out of his shortsleg, so I took him home and we had a 3-way with a Romanian woman who lives in our basement.

>>119533443
But will anyone believe you?

>>119489050
>>119488911
>>119488860
Fucking
Fail

Copypasta.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SF9vmt8YZ4s

Yeah, yeah, I know you don't believe me.
Go fuck yourselves, you lousy little shits.

I saw Bill Murray in the bathroom of House of Blues once, when I walked in he was carving "Dan Akroyd sux cox" into the front of the stall door with a steak knife. I stood there awe stuck until he left. On his way out he whispered, "No one will ever believe you," and dropped the knife in the sink.

BILL MURRAY IS THE NEW MEME IN THE AIR, WOH OH LIVING ON A PRAYER!!!!

Bill Murray and I go deep sea fishing once a year, Lat year we caught a Kraken but it was kinda small. After we threw it back Bill jokingly told me 'No one will ever believe you.'

I was chilling in the North End of Boston a few months ago, heading towards Regina's to get some pie when all of the sudden Bill Murray walked out of an Italian market carrying a espresso. I yelled at him: "HEY BILL!" He looked at me all pissed off and threw his cup down and stormed over to me like he was going to punch me. Out of pure desperation I kicked him in the balls as hard as I could and then punched him in the face. As he crumpled to the ground I said: "Nobody is ever going to believe you." And then went to Regina's and got two slices of pepperoni with garlic oil.

"So I jump ship in Hong Kong and I make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over there in the Himalayas...A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell 'em I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? Bill Murray, himself. Twelfth son of the Murray. The flowing robes, the grace, bald, striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one -- big hitter, Bill Murray -- long, into a ten-thousand foot crevice, right at the base of this glacier. And do you know what Bill Murray says?... Gunga galunga... gunga -- gunga galunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say: 'Hey, Murray, hey, how about a little somethin', you know, for the effort, you know.' And he says: 'Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, I will lean over and say"no one will believe you".' So I got that goin' for me, which is nice."

http://sharebee.com/e64d0f8c

*UPDATED*

includes this thread (now the most extensive collection of Bill Murray stories) and most of its new shoops.
http://sharebee.com/e64d0f8c

Goodness gracious, I can't believe this thread is still alive.

http://www.AnonTalk.com/ -- Fighting the cancer of the Internet, one quality post at a time.

when i was 11 i was with my family at this upscale chinease restaurant on vacation in florida.after being seated we noticed a commotion near the front door. bill murray walks in by himself and he saying whats up to each member of the staff, like he knows each of there names and shit. he must have been a regular or something. they sat him at what appeared to be 'his' table, a table in a dark corner with a worn in leather chair. my family and i are trying to keep it cool and trying not to stare even though what about bob is one of my familys fav's, we dont want to disturb him. about 15 minutes later 2 of the chefs walk out with one of those plates with a lid on it like in cartoons and shit. the chef lifts the lid and heres a LIVE octopus chilin there squirming like a motherfucker. bill took a gold plated fork and knife set out of his travel bag and starts going to town on this here octopus. half way through eating this beast he notices my family all staring at him. well you know how he loves and audience. bill takes a long stemmed crystal glass and lifts up the octopus above it. he squeezes the ink sac and gather the drippings into the glass. he then downs a good 8 or 9 oz of octopus ink and gives a long gasp. he gets up, grabs a fortune cookie of of his own table, slams it onto the lazy susan on OUR table and walks out whistling 'singing in the rain'. my little sister grabs the fortune out of the cookie debris nd reads it aloud...'no one will ever believe you' my mom shitz brix and we still have the fortune in a scrap book. no lie.

i went into an american family fitness (aka 'AMFAM') a couple years ago to work on my cardio. after a good 45 minutes sesh i go hit the showers when i see him. there standing in the middle of the floor is bill murray. my jaw is to the fucking floor when he turns to me and says 'whats up?" i grab some bench and tell him scrooged is one of my all time favs. he chuckles a little and thanks me in a umble manor. for the next 10 minutes i just listened as one of my all time favortite comedians remineses on his days of snl and getting into a fist fight with chevy chase backstage. after this he walks over to the sink, grabs all of the free plastic combs out of the barbacide tank, puts them into his robe pocket and and hits all the showers nozzels to hot. he walks out gives me a wink and leaves me there with my jaw still wide open. the locker room by this point is completly filled with steam. i look over to the fogged up mirror and see in his best finger handwriting 'no one will ever believe you'. i took a pic of it on my cell phone but all my pics got deleted when i switched contracts.

bill murray kicked in the stall door while i was taking a shit and shit all over my lap and into my open pants

he said no one would believe me, but he did apologize.

when you gotta go, you gotta go.

bill murray came to a house party on my campus one night and became the intsatnt life of the party. after doing his fifth keg stand he ran into the kitchen and called som douchebag a pussy and punched him the face as har as he could. then he reached into the medicine cabinet and finished off the rubbing alcohol and chased it with two band aids and some cotton swabs. then he got the accoustic guitar from my room and did flight of the bumblebee. thing is hes right handed and its a lefty guitar. wtf. then he mounted the coffee table, tropped trou, and lit his pubes of fire. he then force a girl o put ito out with her face and said if she didnt do it he would hack her facebook and set her relationship status to its comlicated and tell her parents she was a lezzy. then he punched a whole into the dry wall and threwup on all of my xbox controllers. then he ordered a meatlovers pizza and disapeard for 25-30 mintues when the pizza arived he came from behind a curtain and gave the pizzaman a 3000% tip and ate the entire pizza. then he held down the same girl from earlier and pink socked her while singing the battle hym of the reupublic in his best chris walken impression. he collected the pink socks drippings in the pizza box and left. later he imed me from the screen name xXxVenkman'sFuryxXx and said 'no one will ever believe you'

epic

When I lived in a basement apartment in the West Village near the Blind Tiger (there were too many rats for $2500 a month for me to want to stay there), Bill Murray walked by one night (clearly drunk from a night at the Blind Tiger or White Horse Tavern).

First he was pissing on my stoop (probably the only unlit stoop on the block), then he opened my door, dumped all of my weed into a coned up front cover and back cover pages of People Magazine, smoked the whole thing to his face and disappeared into the night.

After a few awkward and silent moments I heard him whisper back from down the street, "No one will ever believe you".

hey guys this is Bill Murray right here on /b/, go ahead tell your friends, no one is ever going to believe you.

>>119539493
>>119539493
>>119537986
>>119537986
>>119537986
>>119537986


confirmed. it is legit.

Guess who was eating at my restaurant last week?

>>119541074

I don't believe you.

Totally OC here, ant completely true:

My dad worked in a restaurant in Augusta, GA a long time ago. Bill Murray came one night because there was a nearby golf tournament happening soon. He ordered two dinners for himself, and of course expected attention. The waitress serving him got a $200 tip, and my dad and his coworkers asked him if he could do a scene from Caddyshack. Bill acted out the scene where he was hitting stuff with a golf club or something. A non-digital photo was taken (keep in mind this was in the late 80s), which has been lost to time, of my dad and his coworkers with Bill Murray. I am totally serious that this happened.

Here's the webpage for the restaurant, which is still in business: http://www.frenchmarketaugusta.com/

Still don't believe me? Email me at 2worldsaway@gmail.com if you really want, so I can somehow give you more proof.

>>119541747
knowing his passion for golf, it's as believable as anything here.

I'm the originator of the meme (but not the OP of this thread), and I will attest that
>>119516360
was written by me, and it is true. not as interesting as yours, but true

I believe you . All of you.

Time to start ranking them in terms of what I find particularly funny...in no particular order, these got lol's out of me...

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>>119524919

>>119523888

>>119522918

>>119521626

>>119525158

>>119522533
time for a retrofap

any more??

I believe you,

One night I was walking through union square park. I had heard the legends about Bill Murray, but this was my chance. I snuck up behind him, covered his eyes and whispered "No-one will ever believe you". Bill Murray flipped me over his shoulder knocking me out. Turns out the cops believed him....

clear

Just so you all know....Bill Murray is a /b tard.

>>119537986
>>119537986
>>119537986
>>119537986
it works, folks

/b/ healed some with this thread.

at least one nick the lounge singer reference is needed.

So I saw a UFO the other day and then the chick from Sneaky Sound System and Bill Murray popped up and said, 'No one will everbelieve you.'