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i onl;y see a zombie laying in a bed with a huge boner. OP what are smoking?

This guy, Micah, shows up at the girl's house with a video camera. Her folks are gone for the month. He wants to film her nude, but she's all weirded out over some ghosty stuff.

The girl can't get the ghosty stuff out of her mind. Micah is bummed, swims in the pool, makes a dumb GW Bush joke and whines a lot. The Girl calls up her priest, who is also her agent, to ask if filming stuff ghosty or nude is A Good Idea.

The girl's agent shows up. He senses the tension between the girl and Micah. He tries to sell them Amway Products. They'll have nothing to do with it. He leaves with one warning, "Do NOT USE A OUIJA BOARD!"

The girl decides to let Micah film her in bed. Through the miracle of split-screen technology she has a flashback discussion with her agent.

>>2898779
DEM THIGHS

The Infamous Blow-Job Scene.

THIS IS THE DEMON. The only clear shot of it in the film, it interupts The Blow-Job scene. Micah is pissed. He does the wrong thing. He says unkind things to the demon.

go on OP

Then Kharn showed up, yelled SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE and everyone went home. because Kharn always gets drunk and pisses people off

Micah compounds his mistake by trying to look up a way to bind or cripple the demon. Always a poor reader Micah doesn't really grasp what the book has to offer, plus he fixates on this one page because it sort of looks like it has titties on it. Needless to say things are about to get A Whole Lost Worse.

That night this clown etching on the wall starts to laugh at the couple in their bed.

den dah demonz comez and fuckz everyonez day up.

is there really a blowjob in this movie?

>>2898831
Yes. Micah has a small penis though.

>>2898831
Yes

The girl is upset by the clown etching incident and refuses to return to the bedroom. Micah is very unhappy with this turn of events and vows to "get that demon".

>>2898814
holy shit OP, I guess I wasn't the only one to accuse the spider.

>>2898838

thunder thighs

Micah then buys a Ouija Board and decides to use it to summon and then challenge the demon to a fight. Micah is a fucking moron.

>>2898847
I WANT MY HEAD BETWEEN THEM

The indicator gizmo on the ouija board goes apeshit when Micah tries to use it and knocks over a candle and almost sets the house on fire. Later they look at the candle. On the bottom it says "AMWAY", no one knows how it got there.

Micah tires to consult the demon book again, but he's starting to lose it big time and has trouble figuring out even those most simple of directions in the book.

Even though the guy describing the movie is lying...

THIS WOULD HAVE ACTUALLY PRODUCED A BETTER MOVIE!

>>2898814
looks liek a spider

OP is improving the movie by 10000000000times

The Girl is having troubles too. For one thing her chin is doing this weird Jay Leno one moment, no chin at all later thing. Micah doesn't notice. All he sees is her tits, he wants them bad. He decides it's time they do some drugs. In serious ammounts.

Line after line of cocaine is done by the two main characters. Rumors persist that real coke was snorted by the actors and crew, but the amounts involved are so over the top outrageous this is probably not true.

>>2898912

fucking lol'd

>>2898912

Even Scarface would have said that was excessive.

This is better than the movie

All the cocaine has turned Micah paranoid, he comes to see the girl as the source of all his troubles -- at the house and elsewhere as well. He resolves to burn the evil out of her soul with fire, a cleansing fire. Besides, they're almost out of coke.

Her Final Night. The Girl, we never learn her name, waits in The Bed.

f5 f5 f5
and archive when op's done

why couldnt the movie actually be like this?

This is where the film loses most of it's audience, in a weird black and white jump cut montage Micah and The Girl engage in Rough Sex. The Girl is hurt. Micah laughs, a chilling laugh to some, too much like Woody the Woodpecker for others. The weirdness of the film from this point on is pointed at by some as evidence that drugs where being used by the crew, others think they just ran out of money and had to end the thing quick. (see first pic as well)

The girl stumbles into the bathroom and examines her wounds.

AND THEN A SKELETON POPS OUT.

inb4 bel-air :3

>>2898992

fuck. why did i lol at this?

Micah goes out onto the lawn in the backyard and lies down looking up at the stars where he is consumed by what looks to be evil crabgrass. The film ends there, fading to black, leaving the audience as well in the dark.

Thank you for your kind attention.

AND THEN MAN HANDS MAN AND CAR HOOK HAND STUCK ON CAR

>>2898992
Ahahaha, oh wow.

BRAVO OP BRAVO!!!!!

>>2898761
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fucking archive this now

>>2898761

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>>2899168
I would like this archived also

sounds more entertaining than the rreal thing
how can such garbage get such a high rarting.

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Judging in Epic Dredd.

The coke explains everything!

The United States government is biased against white people" because it views phrases such as "white pride" as offensive, but not "black pride" and the like

i liked the movie
i really did

http://x.datchan.org/sanctuary/g/res/1050.html

some of the book scans

archive this

>>2899346
Why? It wasn't that funny.

>>2898821
most epic thing ever, i wish the movie would have been like this and Karn would have been an excellent cameo guy.

>>2899310
faggot

>>2899403
the movie was tho

>>2898992

This ending deserves an award.

sure is samefag in here

>>2899600
lol, no. Your sage is invalid.

This movie was awesome and you are all homosexuals.

This is the best thing I've read on /x/ in months. Bravo, OP, bravo.

>>2898850

He doesn't buy it, he borrows it douche bag.

I wish the movie was really like this.

>>2900757

someone REALLY missing the point

It was usually thought that the person who had made a pact also promised the demon to kill children or consecrate them to the Devil at the moment of birth (many midwives were accused of this, due to the number of children that died at birth in the Middle Ages and Renaissance), take part in Sabbaths, have sexual relations with demons, and sometimes engender children from a succubus, or incubus in the case of women.