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Four days later (of avoiding the toilet), like an idiot, I was still eating too much protein.. I didn't change my

diet at all. I made a post here about what happened but it wasn't that popular and didn't get that many replies.

Maybe people thought that it was a troll post I don't know. I explained how I sat on the toilet for a solid 2 hours

pushing and struggling to get this new turd out of me but it just wouldn't budge(I ended up pushing it back inside

of me). It was much much larger than the last one that broke my ass and it was much much drier and harder. If you

can imagine a doughnut, it was like my anus stretched to the size of the little circle in the middle and the shit

was the size of the outer circle. I could actually feel how big it was with my hand and I was able to stick my

finger up my anus and actually kind of mold the shit while it was still inside me (weird feeling). I tried breathing

like a woman in labor when I tried to push it out, I tried screaming and pushing it out in long pulses, short pulses

none of that worked. The shit was just too big for my anus and it was too hard and dry that I couldn't squeeze it

through the hole.

Some of the replies I got was to try using soap, try to dig it out with a spoon, sticking a shower head up my ass

and turning it on, some one just posted a picture of a dog without saying anything, and another person mentioned

laxatives. I never really knew what laxatives were for. The only thing I knew about them I had learned from tv

(people playing jokes on people by mixing their food with laxatives). So I went to do some googling on laxatives,

constipation, treatment, etc. I wasn't sure if laxatives were right for me. It seemed like all it would do is make

me want to go to the bathroom but it wouldn't do anything about the big hard shit at the end of the line. After

doing a little research online, I decided that stool softeners was what I needed so I planned on going out the next

day to go out and buy me some (it was already late at night).

So the next day, (today) I went to my mom and told her about it. I said I was in I don't know how to really describe

it. It was sort of like pain but wasnt pain. It was a lot of discomfort and I could hardly walk. So I made my mom go

out to buy it for me. I figure everythings going to be ok when she comes back. I would finally be able to shit

again. She came back with a fucking like portable one time use enema kit. Now, I had done some research the day

before. I knew what an enema was. I wasn't so sure about sticking something up my ass but I figure whats the worst

that can go wrong. Enemas are supposed to be better right?

So anyways, I'm in the bathroom naked (I expected it to be a little messy after seeing a pic of tubgirl). The enema

thing is bascially a plastic bottle with a long thin neck (the part that I have to stick up my ass). It was full of

4 different solutions 2 laxatives and 2 other things saline or something I didn't really care. This was my first

enema so I tried to follow directions the best I could. Theres these pictures ont he side of the box that shows

positions I should try to be in while I.. help myself. The only one I could do was similar to doggy style (the

womans position) as the other positions were like advanced yoga shit and required too much space (small bathroom and

I'm a big guy). So I'm on my knees in my bathroom with my ass up in the air, I jammed the bottle in my ass and

squeezed as much of the solution as I could inside of me. The box said I should wait in that position until I get

the urge to "execavate" (1-5min) but it didn't say anything about if I should leave the bottle there or what so I

just left it there because it felt good.

I don't think I've ever been on my knees in that "recieving" position ever before in my life. Then the urge came, I

yanked the bottle out of me which intensified the feeling. And omfg it was horrible. You know that feeling you get

when you have to shit really badly? Well it was like 100x worst than that. I got up and sat on the toilet seat and

started execavating. Only liquid started coming out.. it was like I was peeing from my ass. Like actually peeing not

diahrrea. It was pretty much only the solution coming out. I was shitting all the liquid out, no pieces of shit had

broken off and when the shit comes I would be in big trouble. Then I had this overwhelming feeling of dread come

over me... OH MY GOD I'M GOING TO DIE. I knew what was going to happen next.

It came. The part I was afraid of. The huge turd reached my asshole, came out a little bit(like a few milimeters)

and got lodged. Just like before, I couldn't push it out but this time, I couldn't push it back in either. and I

couldn't even piss it was like squeeze a gland or muscle or something. I started crying (streams of tears came out).

It was fucking torture. The enema had made me want to shit really badly but I couldn't because the shit wouldn't

come out. I'm like stick in this limbo of wanting to shit it out and wanting to just shove it back up not being able

to do either.

I started blaming my mom and was screaming frantically. Like WHAT THE FUCK THAT STUPID CUNT I told her to buy me

some fucking stool softeners not this eneman laxative bullshit. I was pounding my head stomping my feet doing

anything to take my mind off this...limbo. After a few curses, I finally went mad and I shoved my hand under me. I

was pulling on my anus and I started clawing at the shit trying to get as much out of me as I could. Little clumps

of it started to come out but I didn't feel a difference. My hand was covered in shit and I didn't fucking care.

Then because of anger or frustration maybe a little bit of both, I wanted to cause this turd some pain. I leaned up

and grabbed the enema bottle and stabbed the hell out of the turd. It didn't hurt me, I was enjoying it. Fuck this

turd man, I was stabbing it over and over again. I wanted it to feel pain.

All of a sudden, I felt this huge need to push. And I did. Maybe it was the clawing, stabbing, stretching or the

laxative finally took its toll on the turd or a little bit of everything, it came streaming out. It was like only

the beginning was the hard part and the rest of it wasn't as hard or big as the start. I ended up pissing all over

the floor as it came rushing through me. I was in heaven during that time, and then pain. I just sat there for a

while. My anus was throbbing and leaking and I felt depressed. I had won the war but it had cost me dearly. My hand

was just coated in feces, laxative, dried and wet blood, piss and I think it was corn not really sure.

I cleaned myself up and cleaned up the bathroom the best I could and flushed (it went down the toilet easily FUCKING

BULLSHIT) went to my bed and fell asleep (on my side). And here I am now about 6 hours later. My ass is really

hurting and I can't walk properly without feeling like I'm tearing up my ass all over again. I think i know how rape

victims feel now. It was the worst experience of my life and I don't want to go through anything like that ever

again. I hope you all are eating a proper diet so you don't end up going through what I went through.

this is getting interesting.

bitch

And for those who have had similar experiences, will my ass ever be the same again? How long will it take to heal?

Any foods I should avoid/eat during my recovery? Thanks for reading, it feels good to get it out.

I'd recommend a liquid diet if you really fucked your ass up.


You may have anal fissures now, so enjoy regularly bloody toilet paper.

Go to a proctologist to get yoursefl checked out, since you can die if you have a torn intestinal wall.

I've gone through something similar, but I never had to resort to enemas. I just kept taking my mind off of it, and once I felt the urge I tried really hard to relax my anus so it would come out more easily. After a few tries it did. It was fucking painful and quite bloody, but it made it out.

I had plenty of fiber in my diet, but not enough liquids. I've been drinking a lot more water every day since then.

tl;dr: He accidentally a whole enema bottle.

>>404581
And also, my anal fissures healed on their own. I just tried not to make the muscles tense, and wiped gently.

>>404587
AND ALSO I tried not to sit directly on my ass for a while, moreso on my lower back (on a padded chair, of course.)

Buy some FLAX SEED!
Nature's bounty ground Flax Seed. Take 1-2 spoons a day you will be back to normal in no time. After a few days you will have a new asshole. I guarantee it.

I've had some major constipation. one time it was rolling on the ground trying to get it out. I had to dig it out in the shower. it was so cash. wild.

>>404568
i cant find anything about torn intestinal walls online. ur not bullshitting me are you?

>>404545
you need moderfuckin PURE fiber.
go to gnc get the NItrocore 24 and put 3 fucking scoops on water and drink it.
then drink two scoops everyday, one in the morning one before sleep and i guarantee you will shit so soft its unbelievable.

Disgusting, but made me laugh.

Sorry for your pains.

<<THIS

you're going to die. You will get dysentery because of you shit covered hand.

/r/ MRE copypasta

Wow, I can't believe that didnt end with a bel aire.

>>404822
cuz its not a copy pasta

What do you
The biggest turd of Bel Aire

I'm not reading all this shit but I'm going to give you a wall of text in return. Let me give you a personal story as you know what you did wrong eating all that meat with no roughage. I ate an entire jar of macadamia nuts yesterday with various beans for dinner and fruit and veggies throughout the day. I have shit about five times today these HUGE, ass-rending fucking shits. I'm completely spent even though I slept well and exercised this morning. Even now I feel shit pangs. So do yourself a favor: buy a jar of macadamias and gorge yourself on them (they are fucking delicious so this shouldn't be too hard). Then sit on the toilet the entire next day and shit until you feel like your anus is going to prolapse.

Protip: Vitamin C is an excellent laxative.
If you have powdered C, take 10 grams and in 1-2 hours you will go.
Otherwise take 10 grams of pills.

i remember you from the other day OP, i believe i told you to eat tons of fiber. Im glad you got it out but make sure you are not eating tons of shit. Also onetime I went a solid month only eating leafy shit. salad and what not. so i started feeling so much pain in my abdomen i went to the hospital. they did the x-rays and started laughing when they told me i was full of shit. they showed me the picture and everything. I took some malox and called off the next day of work. I read like 3 books in the bathroom those 2 days

eat more fats

>>404545
Oh thank you OP, thank you so much.
I loled heartily at your pain.
Fucking saved.

>>404876
>I read like 3 books in the bathroom those 2 days

>>404868
here, laughed hard but felt comforted that someone relates to my pain. Basically, we ate like vegetarians only to SUFFER the following days. How do they cope with all that fiber and flatulence :^/?!

i never get hard shits anymore. i find them more satisfying so it's a little disappointing

>>404548
>some one just posted a picture of a dog without saying anything

i lost it at that point. well done torn ass, well done.

best story ever i lol'd so hard. godspeed op.

are you fucking retarded?

>>404876
how do you get full of shit from eating greens???

Drink more fucking water. That's solved my problem with constantly reappearing anal fissures.

>>405106
it was all foliage and the doctor said it takes a while to process

OP, I feel for you.

It was a few years ago and my wife was having our first kid. I had gained a few extra pounds during her pregnancy, so I kicked in a dose of Low Carb Atkins. Normally I drank plenty of fluids, but when she was in the hospital and having issues - I put my needs on the back burner.

I must have had some build up going on anyways that my not taking in fluids just pushed over the edge. I remember going to take a crap and it hurt like the worst anal pain I have ever felt. I thought it was possibly some form of sympathetic pains... but like you I reached in to break off pieces or whatever. In the hospital room there were the same enemas there, so I thought that would dilute the crap. Again like you, it just aggravated the need to go, without helping break up anything. I ended up panicked and I pinched the stuck turd - which broken it to a point that it could pass.

It was such blessed relief. My wife's OBGYN heard me in distress and asked me if I wanted someone to talk to. Apparently she thought I was in distress as the sight of my wife in distress for so long in labor that she thought I was breaking down or something.

Moral of the story: Drink lots of water and eat plenty of fiber.

>>404959
>some one just posted a picture of a dog without saying anything
i don't get it :(

>big long and hard
RAWPHUL

>>404959
i was fucking crying when i read that

POOP THREAD!

You guys are so fucking stupid. I'm supposed to take advice from people who can all share anal fissure stories? no pain no gain right guys.

Coffee...coffee is a natural laxative.

If I drink coffee (or coca-cola) in the morning, I'm guaranteed to shit. Me thinks it's the caffine.

Anyway, I passed a huge logger like that about 3 weeks ago...there was blood on the toilet paper, and I felt like I had just give birth. Give it a few days, you'll go back to normal.

>If you can imagine a doughnut, it was like my anus stretched to the size of the little circle in the middle and the shit was the size of the outer circle.

That shit (lol pun) made me lol. hard.

thank god I clicked the wrong board today (I wanted to go to /g/)

I laughed so hard I cried. Thanks, OP. Get well soon!

you guys haven't even experienced the worst of it,
Since I was born I had something wrong, overnight stays and enemas in hospital when I was five, constant medicines, etc.

Last year, I went 3 weeks without shitting.
I was in so much pain, nothing would work. Prescribed medicines, over the counter ones, I was BEGGING the doctor to give me an enema :|
Finally, he prescribed me the stuff you take before bowel surgery, to really clean you out....

except, none of the chemists supplied it, i needed it NOW.
the next day we had travelled to 3 different chemists, and success! we got 3 sachets!
cue drinking 2 of these sachets, = 4 pints of this immense laxative.

i sat praying to god, then it got worse.
i shat, thank god.
but it was literally liquid, for 3 whole days

i was trying to hold back vomit because there was nowhere for it to go.

it still happens, ugh.

>>404547
>>I could actually feel how big it was with my hand and I was able to stick my finger up my anus and actually kind of mold the shit while it was still inside me

In your last thread, I asked you what shape you molded it into. Did you ever wind up answering me?

>>405924
>In your last thread, I asked you what shape you molded it into. Did you ever wind up answering me?

i didnt see that post so no i didnt answer you
i didnt mold it into any shape if ur still wondering, i had some toilet paper on my hand when i reached up to touch it. it was kinda like wet clay i can push it around and make holes in it and stuff

Oh god I laughed so hard I actually had to go over to the couch and lie down for a while.

>>404811

Fuck MRE's. They can go to hell. Before my first deployment I was used to eating really good home cooked food, and tons of fruit. They send me away and since our military is shitty and welfare, they basically just mailed MRE's along for us to eat. I am not a picky person, and after a bite or two I don't even notice the food any more.

The taste isn't the problem.

After about 10 days of eating nothing but old MRE's and sitting on my ass doing nothing, with only the intermittent trip to piss on a tree, or check if we could go home yet I started getting terrible, horrible, stomach pain, some of the worst pain I have felt in my life. So bad I cannot stand, walk, or even crawl. A few mates of mine saw the obvious distress and helped me over the field station. After a poking around, it was decided that I had some mysterious internal bleeding, and had become septic, as my abdomen was more or less hard as a rock. They decide I need to be cut up, to stop the bleed.

It is then that I realize I have not shit in TEN OR TWELVE FUCKING DAYS. While whoever is off trying to arrange transport to a hospital, I get my friends, despite their questioning, to carry me over to the shitter. I sat and squeezed as hard as I could. After about 15 minutes, it finally gave. Holy fuck. The shit I produced was easily 2 inches in diameter. For 45 minutes I shit, and did nothing BUT shit. I have felt a lot of pain in my life, but this tore apart my asshole, it hurt so bad I cried. After producing 5-10 lbs of extremely compacted shit, I crawled out of the latrine and promptly passed out.

Next day I was good to go back on watch. Friend of mine wrangled up an extra pillow and cut a hole in the middle, for me to sit on.

tl;dr Fuck MRE's

>>404875

Ahahaha! I found this out the hard way! Had roughly 400% recommended daily intake of vitamin c. I was pissing out my ass because of that. Never again.

>>406847

2" diameter is nothing special. That is like the regular size of my turds.

I feel your pain OP. I think I have Irritable Bowel Syndrom. I haven't gone through anything you did and I hope I never do, but I drank two glasses of prune juice and I shate liquid for an hour. You should try that.

Any advice for healing fissures after an epic shit?

This thread is amazing.

Firstly, OP, you have rofl'd my copter. Hard.

Second, pics?

>>I just left it there because it felt good.
>> It didn't hurt me, I was enjoying it

And the morale of this story is:
Get fucked up your ass, is good for your health

The only way to heal your fissures is to soften your shits. I'm recovering from an ass tearing turd like OP, but not in any way shape or form as bad.

Doctor recommended Metamucil, and it worked for a while but I don't think I was drinking enough water and I tore it a little again. Metamucil in the capsule form though to soften it.

OP, the stool softeners wouldn't have done you any good, it only works on the food you're digesting, it wouldn't have helped the monster breaching the gates.

monster breaching the gates lol

i dont understand the big deal. you must be tiny. i mean, my dumps are like the size of tennis ball cans.

I don't know wtf I'd eaten once but I was liertally pissing shit out my ass, hurt so god damn much.

Another time I did a huge shit and it fell in the bowl sideways and got lodged >.> poked it down with a stick.

Was on holiday once, ate this steak, I think it was probably off, walking back to the place I was staying started getting stomach ache, got back, spent the whole night going back and fourth to the toilet every 5 mins, one point I nearly shit myself.

Yet another time, went to pizza hut (I try and stear clear now, not that I really went much anyway), at like half a pizza, had a bit of stomach ache, and was like half an hour drive back, then I needed to shit so much, ended up pulling up at a McDonalds at about 10.30 at night and letting it all out in their loos, bet they loved me.

Feels so fucking good when you do a good shit though.

fuck i cryed laughing reading this thread

nevar forget

>Fuck this turd man, I was stabbing it over and over >again. I wanted it to feel pain.

omg, fucking lol

>My anus was throbbing and leaking and I felt depressed.


i lol'd

I know I shouldn't but I laught my ass of XD... Red the whole story, and man.. that was some scarry shit <- literally! .. oh man.. hope this never happens me... still cant stop the laughing.. but hey.. at least it ended well right?..

I love you, OP. XD
Everytime I feel like shitting, I'll be saying a little prayer for you.

>>404550
>I just left it there because it felt good.
>left it there because it felt good
>left it there

I had this gf in college, she had a room in some old ass building. They had communal bathrooms with keyed entry. One night I'm staying with her, and she's at a meeting of some kind. I feel a huge shit come on suddenly, but alas, no bathroom key! I tried running to some nearby buildings, but they were all locked. Ran back to her room and looked around for anything to shit in. I grabbed the first viable option: a pizza box. The whole thing was over in about 15 seconds. I wiped with napkins.

Then I had to dispose of a pizza box full of shit. Being conscientious, I didn't want to put it in the cardboard recycling, so I had to walk it across the yard to the nearest dumpster. But the distance to cover meant more opportunity for me to get bitched at by any tree-hugging hippies. So I put on a baseball cap and one of my gf's polo shirts (WAY too small for me) to do my best to impersonate a pizza delivery guy. I strode across the yard with my shitty pizza box. As I walked purposefully past the dumpser, I glanced around and chucked it in.

>>407623
i lol'd heartily

When I was a child, I had a russian family living next door. Their youngest child, probably four or five at the time, had a habit of squatting down in their front yard and taking a shit. He didn't care if anyone saw him. I remember one day in particular I walked past the russian house, and saw one of his little brown logs in their yard. This particular time, the turd had several lego pieces sticking out of it at odd angles. I remember specifically seeing several arms, legs, and plain old bricks.

Obviously, the memory has stuck with me all these years... Now after reading the OP's story,I feel bad for the little guy having to shit that out.

This thread is quite probably worth archiving.

>>407665
It is worth it, alright. I vote for an Archive.

ARCHIVE

how to archive this shi-?

archived

I am crying with laughter right now. This is without a doubt the most lulzworthy thread on /fit/ i have ever read.

Archive this shit.

OMGROFL!! Oh, man...I would expect this in /b/, but /fit/?
Ultimate thread is ultimate.
Archiving for future generations.

>>407726

4chanarchive.com

It's already received enough votes, so it should be up soon.